And he poured in a lot of whiskey in a big glass. This last time he drank a lot, often encouraged by his so-named friends and sometimes he was really drunk. Even his consumption of cigarettes increased. Before, he smoked once or twice on a party, but never at home, now he used to smoke more than two packets the day and some expensive ones. Kim watched this changing with fears – her husband became more and more an unpleasant stranger to her. Her only hope was the child, perhaps José would learn to love his child – and her again. But her hope and prayer was in vain! When the child was born, José visited Kim and his son one time in the hospital, decided, that the child would have the name César, then disappeared to have some drinks – or to "celebrate" as he used to say. When she turned back at the hacienda with the baby, Kim was obliged to make all things at her own. She looked after the child, made the whole household, cooked, cleaned, washed, took care of the animals – and had to bear her husband's silly moods.
told her one day José, while he spent some days at the hacienda.
agreed Kim.
said José. So Kim, who had no choice for another room, moved in into the small and uncomfortable room. She saw her husband less, but wasn't really unhappy about this. Sometimes, when she thought, that José was in a good mood, she took the baby to him, tried to make small games together or waited, that the father would show some love to his child, but nothing happened. Or – worse - José shouted after a while, that she should take away the baby, because he felt disturbed, had no time or mood to play with.
he told Kim again and again. So Kim lived with César a life behind the high, white walls and José lived his live in the circle of his friends and admirers. The only event, which made Kim hope, that her husband could change his way of life, was, when José's parents died one after the other in a short difference of time. During the burials, César stayed with Rosa, who took care of the baby in a very kind way. José seemed to find a way back to his wife and child after the loss of his parents, but was this improvement short-lived and very fast he left his small family alone and returned to the diversions, he liked so much. One day the postman brought a small parcel to the hacienda, where Kim was sitting in the garden with the child on her knees. She opened it with different feelings and found apart from a not very useful, because made for a cold climate, rompers for the baby, some pants for herself and a letter. Her Mother told her, that the grandmother was very ill, the doctor considered that her life expectancy was only a few month. Kim felt, that she had to go, to see her grandmother for a last time, but José was out of reach and so the only thing she could do was to wait that he will come back and to make prayers, that her grandmother wouldn't die before. One day José came in surprise to the hacienda and went without a word to his wife or son to the bar, where he served himself a strong whiskey. Then he went to the sofa, sat down and watched the fireplace in front of him, while he was drinking his whiskey. Kim entered the room without the child and stopped in face of her husband.
She showed the letter to José, who made a sign with his hand, that he believed her without reading the letter.
asked he his wife.
José was thinking during a long moment.
Kim would give him a kiss, but he made a dismissive wave of his hand.
Kim hurried into her room, to prepare the few things she would need during the few days, she would stay with her parents. She was afraid, to knew her grandmother die, afraid to be under the same roof with her mother, but she was happy to meet her sister. Since she was in Spain, she missed Maude a lot. Her little sister was lazy about letter-writing, Kim didn't write, because she knew, that her letter would be opened by her mother and there was no telephone at the hacienda or in the little village in the neighborhood. When César was sleeping, Kim went to José's office, to receive her money for the flight.
said José, when Kim entered the room. Kim stepped closer to the table, where José was sitting, playing with some bills. She smelled the alcohol, he had taken before and saw, that he was really drunk. But she needed his money, because she had spent all the money of her own. The small pocket money, José used to give her at irregular times, was not enough since the child was born, but she never tried to get more, for fear of his reaction. She often wished to have a job, but her husband always became very angry, when she would like to speak about it. So she opened her small hand.
shouted José.
sighed Kim, who felt, that it would be better, to don't arouse his anger, otherwise he wouldn't give her the money she needed so much. But while he looked straight at his wife, José's eyes became slim and there was a meaningful smile on his lips.
He stood up and came around the table. Kim tried to shrink back from him.
But José grabbed she by her arms and started to undress her. Kim had to bow to his sexual wishes until he was satisfied. Then he let her free, took the bills and threw them to her feet.
Kim was humiliated into the depth of her soul. She took up the bills and her dress and left the office in great haste. Assaulted and betrayed. Only when she was sitting in the aircraft with the sleeping César on her knees, she had the thought, how easy it would be, to stay in Ireland with her son. But then she remembered her nightmare and the pants and her mother and she told herself off because of her weakness. She had chosen her life, there was no way back and no hiding before responsibilities. And her proud didn't allow her to talk about her marriage with somebody else. That she had to sort out for herself. As she used to do, her mother waited at the airport.
When they arrived at the house, Kim welcomed her father, Maude was still at school, then she went to her grandmother. The old lady was sitting in her bed and welcomed Kim and the baby with warmth.
She kissed the cheeks of her grandmother and put the baby on the bed.
said the grandmother. she looked at Kim before she followed, This wasn't a question, it was a statement of facts. Kim nodded her head.
said the grandmother understanding. She stroke the baby.
Kim smiled.
Kim was happy, that her grandmother didn't interrogate her about her marriage, but one question the old lady had to her.
This was a lie, but Kim didn't feel guilty.
promised Kim. She left the room with the child in her arms. While she was going to the staircase, the door opened and Maude entered the house. With a cry of joy the two sisters laid one in the arms of the other.
joked Maude. Kim was glad, that her sister didn't ask about José. She showed César to her sister.
Kim looked at her sister. Her sister looked out of the window.
Maude was hesitating, but Kim understood her little sister.
and when Maude was casting down her eyes, Kim whispered:
was she warning her sister. Maude looked curiously at her older sister.
asked she but Kim gave her an evasive answer.
asked Kim her sister and Maude agreed. When they were having the dinner, Kim tried to answer her parents in a neutral way, later she went back to her grandmother. When César was playing on the cover, the old lady looked deeply in Kim's eyes.
remarked the grandmother. Kim agreed with a little sign of her head, but said nothing.
Even when Kim didn't know, what her grandmother could meant with her words, she felt, that this was an announcement, which could have much influence to her further life. Might time bring the solution to her!
said the old lady and kissed first her granddaughter, then the little boy.
Kim left her grandmother with César in her arms and went sleeping. The next day she would spend in her family, before she had to turn back to Spain in the evening. But when she entered the kitchen in the morning, to have the breakfast, she found her family in tears.
asked she her mother.
shouted Kim. When she spoke with the old lady the evening before, she hadn't the impression, that the grandmother was going to die. She had spoken in such a lively way, without a sign of weakness or pain! Or had her kept only the thought on life, that Kim and the great-grandson will come to visit her? At least, she had died in the way, she always wished. With a clear reason and in relatively good health at the age of 93 years. She glided away from her dreams to eternity. Kim sent a telegraph to José, to tell him, that she would come later, because she would stay until the funeral. The grandmother found her last rest in the grave at the side of her husband, gone away a lot of years before. It was a small mourners, only the family and nobody showed its feelings, the mother had told them, to hold back their tears. When Kim was in the aircraft, she thought, that she had lost the only person, to have confidence in. Her sister was too young and in love, to be disturbed with Kim's problems and she never thought, to inform her parents about her troubles with José. When the iron bird landed at the airport of Seville, Kim looked around to see her husband, but nobody was waiting for her and the child. So she took her suitcase and the baby and went to the taxis. She only hoped, that José would be at the hacienda, because she had not enough money with her to pay the taxi. When they stopped before the big door in the wall, Kim looked around, but didn't see neither the car, neither her husband. She was lucky to had the keys with her, to open the door.
said Kim to the taxi driver, before she entered the house. She put César in his bed and went to search money. There was nothing in the drawer of his bedside table, only a few coins. So she went to his office and looked into the drawer of his table. There was enough money – but there was something else, too, which made her freeze the blood in her body: A copy of the land register concerning the hacienda. And there was written in black on white, that Seňor José Almerida was the only owner of the house and ground! Kim looked with a hardened face on the document. That couldn't be possible! They had bought the estate together! With only HER money! José had told her the day of signature, that Spanish law was concerned and she was a stranger, but married with a Spanish man, so they had to be owners for half and half. But because it was her money, he would mortgage his half to her favour.
cried Kim, before she returned to the taxi to pay the bill. But when she looked into the stable, the shock was much more bigger! The box, where Black Diamond used to be, was empty! First she thought, that her horse was outside with the others, but very fast she saw, that it was nothing! Her horse wasn't there at all!! In tears, she run to the house, put out César of his bed and run to Rosa's house. When her friend opened the door, Kim was out of breath and just able to sit down on the sofa.
asked Rose, shaking her head.
cried Kim in tears.
said Rosa and gave Kim something to drink.
groaned Kim. But she summoned up a little bit.
They took the car and went to town. But what a deception! The veterinarian told them, that he had seen Black Diamond for the last time, when he was at the hacienda, vaccinating all horses and this had happened five month ago! He called the animals hospital, but there wasn't a horse from the hacienda, only two mares from a riding club. Kim staggered, when they left the veterinarian and Rosa had to help her down the stairs and into the car.
Kim shouted so loudly, that some passer by stopped, to look at the young, desperate woman.
whispered Rosa. They went to Rosa's house, put up César and drove to the hacienda.
said Rosa, but Kim shook her head.
Kim said good bye to her friend, put her son in his bed and waited for her husband. It was a long and lonely waiting! Long after midnight she heard the car turning into the court and woke up out of her doze. Now the big door was closed with a smash, then the lights in the living room were switched on.
José seemed to be hardly able to stay on his feet, so drunk he was and the sight of his wife on the sofa seemed to surprise him.
said Kim with a loud voice. José beat his hand on his head.
asked José. Then there was a little idea in one corner of his drunk head!
Kim’s voice was cutting. José made a bad face.
whispered her husband with something in his voice, that gives her the shivers.
smiled José with a diabolic face. Kim felt weak.
her voice was nearly broken.
A shout of horror came out of her throat.
Then he turned out of the room, leaving his wife back in tears. Her whole world collapsed! She never would know, what had really happened to Black Diamond. Was he really dead? And because of what? Or had he been stolen and José was happy about, to be freed from this horse? Or had José sold her horse to somebody and taken the money away? She never got an answer! But this night, when she was lying alone in her bed, the nightmare came back. But at the end, there was no kind man to save her! When she took her breakfast the next morning in the kitchen, José entered the room with a creased face and unshaven. Kim decided to ask him again about the land register. But it seemed, that during the night, José had prepared his answers.
He spoke with an angry voice and Kim felt, that it would be better, to calm him.
said she, who had learned to have fear, when he had one of his outbursts of fury. But she was also afraid of his sexual overtures, which became more and more terrible. She tried to avoid her husband as good as she could, when he was at home and she had a sigh of relief and felt free, when he went away. Time was going by and César celebrated his second birthday. The little boy sensed the tension between his parents, but didn't understand the reasons. He asked about his father and when José was at home, the child tried to direct his father's attention to him, hoping to be hold or kissed one time, but in vain! When Kim saw, how her husband turned away his son, her heart broke. No, in this point her grandmother wasn't right. In her marriage it would be impossible, that the child could patch up her couple. The little boy wasn't able to get the attention of his father, it wouldn't be able to bring the parents together. After a while, José came only at the hacienda, when he needed to change his clothes or when he chose some bulls for the fights. Kim only knew from the television or from Rosa, who had a newspaper, where her husband was having his fights. She never thought about a divorce, first, because she tried to give a so-named family to her son, second, because neither her education, neither her faith allowed her this final step, although they never had been married in the church – José had succeeded in putting off this event, until he forget it. One evening the bullfighter entered with his car the court of the hacienda. He was sober and Kim was astonished about it. But she didn't ask him, why he came home. José went into his room and started to pack his clothes in a suitcase. When the wardrobe was empty, he went into his office and packed his documents in a bag. Kim saw him doing this and couldn't hold back, to ask him:
José stopped packing and looked at her absent-minded.
he said. Kim was near the faint. How could he say those terrible things with such a neutral voice? And why should she leave the hacienda, she bought with her own money?
she shouted, before she run into her room and turned the key. César was sleeping peacefully in his little bed and didn't have any presentiment of the tragedy, which was brewing around him and his mother. The next morning José had left the hacienda – Kim should see him only one more time in her life! But this night had changed her mind. She now thought, that attack would be the best means of defense and so she went to an advocate, she had met one time when Rosa was giving a summer garden party. The kind secretary let her enter and promised to take care about César, while Kim was speaking with the advocate.
Kim took a deep breath, before she had the power to start.
she whispered, but the man, who was sitting in face of her, had good ears.
He hesitated, but Kim told him to continue.
Kim interrupted the man with a cry.
told her the advocate.
shouted Kim.
Kim felt the she lost her footing. What could be worse, that the lost of the hacienda. She should know it soon.
But the advocate shook sadly his head.
Had she shouted or was it a silent cry, suffocating in her throat? Kim never could say it. She jumped up from the chair, she was sitting on and grasped with a desperate grip the hands of the advocate, which were lying on the table.
The man removed her hands with a smooth gesture.
Kim later didn't remember, how she had left the office. The secretary was playing with César, while Kim entered. The desperate mother took her child and ran out of the house. The secretary curiously looked behind her. Kim was so desperate, that she didn't take care about, where she was running, only far away from this cruel advocate, who knew only the law but not the humanity, only away from this cruel world, where tragedy and misfortune ruled, away, away! She ran with her son in her arms until she reached Rosa's house. When her friend opened the door, Kim knocked on like a fool, Rosa only just could catch her, before Kim, holding her child firmly pressed on her body, collapsed. Rosa helped her friend on the sofa, put the crying child on the floor and gave him a little toy to play with. César stopped crying and started to examine the toy. Then Rosa took care of Kim. She brought her something to smell on and Kim awoke.
she shouted as she felt, that she wasn't holding any longer her son and looked wildly around her. But Rosa calmed her.
sobbed Kim.
asked Rosa.
Rosa didn't trust her ears. Was her friend speaking in fever? But when Kim started to tell her under tears and sobs, what has happened in the advocate's office, Rosa understood the bad condition of her friend.
asked she Kim, but the woman nodded her head.
would calm her Rosa, but Kim stared straight ahead. Suddenly she shouted:
Rosa was horrified about the thoughts, Kim had.
whispered Kim with a muffled voice. Then she had an idea!
But Rosa had to make her a hard deception.
When Rosa ended, Kim fall in a deep depression. She recognized, that there was no solution for her problems: She would loose her child! With a desperate groaning she sank down on the sofa and lied there without a sign of life. Rosa sent her servant to a doctor, played with César and made prayers to God, to help her friend. When the doctor came, he diagnosed a total nervous breakdown and tried to make Kim enter a hospital, but when Rosa told him all about her friend, he decided, that Kim should stay with Rosa and the child, he would come each day to look for his patient. So Kim was semi-conscious for some days, hardly eat a little bit, her friend cooked with love for her and only asked for her child. Then Rosa brought the little boy to Kim, who always pressed her child to her body and cried her heart out. After a long time, Kim let better and Rosa tried to prepare her carefully for the separation, because she had got a letter from the postman, who knew, where Kim was, which said, that the divorce was in two weeks and that Kim had to take away all her personal things from the hacienda, give the keys to the advocate and clean the house and court. Kim was not able to do all those things, so Rosa's boys, who spent their holidays at home, helped. Rosa decided, that Kim's property would be stocked in an empty stable and that Kim would stay the rest of time in the guest room, she lived with César, since she was in better health. Very fast, the day of divorce arrived! Rosa accompanied Kim and César to the hearing room, where José was waiting. At his side, there was a very young Spanish beauty. Not older than sixteen, but with a perfect body. She cuddled up to him, like a purring cat, showing to the world, that he was her property and prey.
Kim was horrified and Rose, too. But the court usher told them to take their places. Kim had to sit down with César in the first row at the right side, José and the girl had their places at the left side. Rosa sat down on a chair in the auditorium. The old judge read very fast the decision for divorce and ended with the following words:
José was the first, to sign, Kim stood up only when he sat down. With staggering steps she went to the judge's table and hesitated.
she asked. The old judge looked at her, like at an unknown insect.
she went red and signed with: "Kim O'Keary". They were divorced. When she turned back to her place, José was standing in face of her.
Kim wasn't able to look in his face, she kissed her son with a deathly pale face, knowing, that this would be the last time, she would see her child!
said Kim with a broken voice and hoped, that the young girl at her ex-husband's side, would accept the burden of a little child. She kissed the little boy on his cheeks, stepped away without looking back – and collapsed behind the door. When she turned back to life in the hospital, the first thing she tried, was to jump out of the window. But Rosa had told the doctors, why her friend collapsed, and so Kim was in the neurology and the windows had grilles. After this shock, Kim needed a long, long time, to recover health. Rosa came each day to visit her, brought books and sweets and spoke with her friend about a lot of happy things. After some month Kim was able to leave the hospital. With Rosa's help she made plans, how to give a new sense to her life. First she looked for a little apartment in the town, took there some furniture of her, the other things Rosa promised her to let them in the stable until Kim would need them. It was Rosa, to make Kim enter a college of art, but it was Kim herself, who passed the hunting license. One day she had the overpowering wish to shoot, to kill! So she bought a second hand rifle and a gun. And she shot with sure hand ducks, red-legged partridges and even wild boars, always thinking, that it was José, who was standing in the crosshair. And when the animal broke down in the fire, she saw the hated bullfighter die before her inner eyes. After some time she had financial problems. First Rosa and her husband helped her, but Kim couldn't accept this for a longer time. So she had to accept the first place of work, she got, if she wouldn't loose her apartment and turn back to Ireland with the admission of her "failure". She started to work as a secretary in the little family hold factory of an olive farmer. But very fast she knew, why all her predecessors had thrown in the towel. First, each of her movements was criticized.
said Kim angrily. Categorically she declined to work "like Juanita" and after some time, the boss got used to her "stubbornness".
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AJÁNLOM AZ OLDALT
