laughed Kim. Then they lied in the arms of each other, until José's mother called them for dinner. It was always new for Kim to have dinner so late, but in Spain they used to eat after ten o'clock in the evening. And the meals were quiet different from all, she knew. They discussed a lot of things of life during the meal, then Kim helped to clean the dishes, because she hurried to be alone with José. Finally they were together in the small guest room, the mother had prepared for them. And a wave of love washed all other things away. The next morning after breakfast they said good bye to José's mother and went in his car to the hacienda. In the town they went to the registry office and there they learned their first lesson: Never trust an office, another office will tell you something else! The bureaucrat who was sitting in face of the young couple always nodded his head.
shouted José loudly.
asked the man behind the table and looked with some more interest than before on the young couple.
answered José proudly. The man opened wide his eyes.
and when José answered in the affirmative he added:
But the man shook his head.
José became red in his face and would shout in a second, but Kim stroke his hand and looked at him with all her love she had for him.
Kim smiled.
And while he seemed to understand, she said good bye to the man in the office and left with José the registry office. Later they gave the documents to the Irish embassy. There they made the same translation as before, but with another stamp. When they turned back, there was another man sitting behind the table. And he wanted, that the confirmation, that Kim was unmarried, had to be on the document which certified her address. But now it was Kim to become angry. And finally she arrived to make clear, that in Ireland they used to give the two confirmations on different documents. After a short call at the Irish embassy, the man accepted and the young lovers had a sigh of relief.
said the man suddenly. Kim looked with astonishment to José and both looked at the man.
Kim blushed and José looked at the man in face of him.
answered the man.
sighed Kim, then they left the office to visit José's doctor. The man gave them the document with a little smile and without having them told all about things. Finally all things were all right, they turned back to the hacienda and decided to marry the 20th October. Because there were no telephone neither at the hacienda, neither in the small village beside, Kim sent a telegraph to her family. "Wedding the 20th October in Seville STOP Kim STOP". Might her mother see, how to accept. Until this day José had to make some bullfights around Andalusia. He couldn't interrupt the series without braking his contract and loosing a lot of money. So Kim stayed all the time between fears and hope. When the bullfight was near Seville, José took Kim with him, presented her to his friends and hold glittering parties. When he was far, Kim stayed with his mother and watched the fights on the television. She prayed that nothing would happen to their young love, because she knew very well, how dangerous the bulls could be and that many a person at the high spot of its career had underestimated the animal and paid with its health or life. But José stayed unscathed, basked in his fame and nearly forgot the day of his wedding. But the great day arrived! José had asked Kim to make in a first time only a civil marriage and go to church on a later date. Kim had to accept, she liked it or not. But José allowed her to go in white to the office. And another surprise: Two days before their wedding, Kim's mother arrived. And she brought her own wedding dress with her. She obliged Kim to put it on. And in the same breath, she wished her daughter - gnashing hers teeth - good luck, she said maliciously:
Kim flared up with a cry.
Kim was really angry and showed it to her mother.
And she went out of the room, leaving alone Kim with her thoughts. The young woman was in tears and in the night, when she was lying in the arms of her future husband, her nightmare came back. More than ever she felt to be at her mothers mercy. But when she awoke, she had to understand, that very soon she would be a married woman and her mother would loose all influence about her. Poor, credulous, hopeful Kim!
The marriage ceremony at the office was short, José had two witnesses, a couple of his friends and Kim an older notary, who had his house near the hacienda. Later they had a small party with some close friends in a restaurant. They finished not too late in the night. What a difference between the glittering parties after a bullfight, with hundreds of people, music and dance until the morning hours and this wedding party! But José had told Kim, that he wished to have this difference, because he was obliged to make big parties after a good fight, but began to hate them. But Kim wasn't happy at all about this decision. Nobody said something about her wedding dress and she thought, that in this old-fashioned dress she wasn't as pretty as she could be. She always dreamt to have a long dress with a wafting veil on her red hair, but now she was wearing her mother's dress, knee-long and without veil, only a small ring of silk flowers was on her head. José was dressed in a cheap tuxedo, a small silk flower on his revers. Kim's mother had bought the brides bouquet – with silk flowers – "They will stay fresh in the heat" and the flowers on the car were made out of silk, too. Kim always dreamt of a coach with two horses for her wedding, but José preferred to rent a big white convertible car and so they went to the hotel, he had reserved a room. The wedding night was not a dream for Kim. José had drunk a lot and was tired. So the daybreak was coming up over the olive trees, when Kim fall in a light sleep. The honeymoon was short, only three days, the most of this time they stayed in their hotel room, then duty calls José to his fights. While they took their breakfast the last day in the hotel, José surprised Kim with his words.
Kim was astonished and looked in a strange way to her husband.
she asked, surprised, that he wanted her to live with his mother. But José had a big surprise for her, but not a good one!
remarked José.
Kim was flabbergasted.
Kim was going pale and shook all over.
The words came nearly inaudibly over her trembling lips.
answered her husband coldly. But Kim stayed, where she was and so José came to her, took her in his arms and gave her a kiss.
So Kim had to live with her mother-in-law and the friend in their small home. José left her in the evening, to go to Pamplona. After some weeks he came back on day and surprised his wife alone, crying in the kitchen.
Kim turned her head and looked at her husband with tears in her eyes. When José kissed her, she turned her arms around his body and seemed to never give him free. After his kiss she whispered with breaking voice:
>José, Darling! I can't stay here any longer! And when I have to sleep in the stable – I have to go away from here!> José sat down beside her and stroke her hair.
He joked, but Kim wasn't in the mood to joke, she continued crying without a noise. She started to narrate.
José jumped off and looked in her face to see, that she was speaking true.
was he shouting and thumped the table with his fist. And Kim answered in the negative.
And Kim went to the bathroom. When she came back, José whistled.
Indeed, Kim had made up and wear a nice, green dress, she had bought in a boutique in Seville. So they went out. The first friend wasn't at home, but when he rang the bell at the door of the second friend, a young Spanish man opened the door.
He looked at Kim with strange eyes and she felt totally naked. José was angry.
But before he could bring his phrase to an end, José had taken his wife and went away.
asked Kim, who hadn't heard the last words of the young man.
José was surprised, that Kim ignored the signs.
Kim was horrified.
whispered Kim, who was suddenly afraid, that she knew so less about her husband.
He kissed Kim, who wasn't reassured at all. It was really good, that he wasn't taking drugs, what could be much more dangerous, when he was fighting against the bulls. So they went to another friend, but he had no solution, too. When the day came to an end, José wrote a small letter to his mother, that he was taking Kim with him, then they went to the hacienda. Kim slept in her old room with her husband at her side, before they went the next morning to the town, José had to make his next bullfight. Now Kim was torn in a whirlpool of fights, parties and voyages. She never could find to herself during this time. In the evening, there were the fights, she watched from the best places, after this the never ending parties until the morning, then a short sleep in a hotel bed, later the trip to the next town. One day Kim get a letter from her mother, sent behind her to the hotel she lived for the moment by her mother-in-law, the only address, her mother knew. Arden told her daughter in this letter, that she would give her some money – a pre-heritage – to economize the taxes. The sum would be on the account, Kim had opened with José after their marriage, in a few days. Kim proudly showed the letter to her husband.
José was offended in his own love.
Kim tried to soothe her husband.
José was thinking. Then he never spoke about the theme, until he got a letter, announcing that they can come to his office to sign the contract. When they sat down in the dark office, the man showed José, where to make his signature and Kim posed her signature under her husband's. They were owners of the hacienda. The sponsor took away his furniture, but left the car and horses to José's use. The old servant was dismissed, Kim would make the household herself. Very hard for the young woman, who had never learned to cook!
shouted José one day, before he left the court on the back of his horse.
shouted Kim back. José stopped his horse and looked back with surprise on his face.
Then he spurred his horse and disappeared between the olive trees.
Kim decided to wait for her husband. When he came back, dusty and very hungry after a long ride under the burning sun, he wondered, why there was no good smell coming out of the kitchen. He made a fast look into the dining room – nothing on the table!
His wife came out of the kitchen.
Kim kissed him and showed him the chicken court.
José wandered about the ignorance of his wife in such practical things.
answered Kim
Later he showed to his wife how to slaughter a chicken and how to prepare it for the kitchen. First Kim nearly felt sick, but with some experience, she later liked to prepare fresh meals, because the flavor was much more better than the meat, she bought in the shop. During this time, she prepared the move of her household and horse. She had to write lists in English and Spanish language, speak with the customs and organize the shipping. After some time she received a telegraph, that the ship was arriving. José asked his sponsor to rent him a truck with a horse trailer and they went to the docks. When the black horse went out of his transport box with shaking legs and a gentle neigh, when it saw Kim, the young woman had tears of joy in her eyes.
Hello, my little Darling! Finally you are with me again! I missed you a lot!> She stroke the shining neck of the horse and gave him a little kiss on his nostrils. José watched her with impatience.
So Kim let her horse enter the trailer, the boxes with the furniture were already on the truck. When they arrived at the hacienda, a lot of young man was waiting before the door.
asked Kim surprised.
Kim put Black Diamond out of the trailer and brought him into the big stable, where the other horses were standing. She had prepared a separate box for her horse, to give him time to become acclimatized.
And the horse seemed to understand her, because after having sniffed at all things, he begun to eat. When Kim heard the other men leaving the hacienda, she went to the house, to help her husband to furnish the rooms. The house was big enough for all things she had made come from Ireland and a lot of place was left empty. But Kim new very well, that she had to take all things, she liked, with her she, because her mother would drop out or give away the others. She had to spend a lot of time to remove the small tickets, her mother was obliged to stick on each thing because of the customs. After some days, all things were on their place and order returned.
José's face showed Kim, that it was unnecessary to try to discuss with him. He had decided, that she had to rest at home – and so it would happen. Kim was disappointed and she showed it to her husband.
asked Kim. José looked angry at his wife, who couldn't understand his point of view.
José had said what he wished to say, so he kissed his wife gently on her cheeks, jumped in his car and raced away. When he disappeared behind the olive trees, Kim saw clearly, what kind of live was waiting for her. The hacienda seemed to be a prison for her. Without a car and without telephone, she was dammed to stay alone, waiting her husband back. The refrigerator was well filled and she didn't need a lot of things. The most of her time she spent with her horse and sometimes she found the force to watch her husband's fights on the television. It was a simple life, nevertheless she felt happy and quiet. One day she was riding with Black Diamond, when the horse begun to lame. Kim jumped out of the saddle and went slowly to a house nearby. While she was waiting at the iron door of the garden after having rang a small bell, she thought, that this house was not so far from the hacienda and that she would try to make some friends of her own. After a while a young Spanish woman looked out of the door, surprised by the horse. Kim wished her a good day and continued:
asked the young woman.
smiled Kim, She followed the woman to a shady place under big, old trees and fastened her horse. There was only a stone between the horseshoe and the hoof which made pain to Black Diamond and with a knife, Kim was able to put it out. The young woman arrived with the water for the horse and a glass of orange juice for Kim. While the horse was drinking and relaxing, Kim took place in a garden chair besides the young woman.
sighed Kim sadly. So they talked about all and nothing and this was the beginning of an extraordinary friendship between the two women, nevertheless the difference of age was ten years, that Rosa was older than Kim. From now on the young women met more often. Or Kim was riding on her horse to Rosa's home, or Rosa was coming with her car to the hacienda. Sometimes they went shopping together and sometimes they made a trip to Seville or other towns for sightseeing. When José came home the first time after they have met, Kim told him all about her new friend. José shrugged his shoulders.
Kim was speaking nearly without noise, but determined. José used this as an opportunity to make a heavy dispute.
shouted José.
said Kim and she thought about all the young and beautiful girls and women, turning around her husband after the bullfights and during the parties.
shouted José. But when he saw Kim's expression, he knew, that he was gone too far. So he tried to save what he could.
He embraced his young wife and kissed her demanding on her lips.
Kim followed her husband, but this time his touches left her cold! Otherwise she enjoyed his kisses and strokes, but now the shock about the knowledge, that her husband was in the depth of his soul an overbearing character, grown up in the old fashioned way, where the man was the master of the house and the woman had to be servile in all things, was too big! Kim remembered, that she have had the same feeling at home, when her mother was dominating about the family. But she never imagined, that she could feel the same way in her marriage. When José turned back to his bullfights, she felt nearly better, than in the presence of her husband. She could do, what she liked and had a lot of free time for her horse and Rosa, she hadn't seen, while José was at home. The first thing she did, was to ride to Rosa and to invite her for the next day at the hacienda. Time went on, the bullfight season came to an end and Kim waited for her husband to have nice holidays together. But when the young man stopped his car in the court, Kim suddenly felt, that something has changed. José didn't come with wide open arms to her, as he used to do before, but waited, until his wife went to him, to welcome him. When she gave him a kiss, he freed himself of her embracing right away.
answered Kim.
shouted José. He went to their room. Kim dried her tears and hurried to cook something, which would find the acceptation of her husband. But when they sat down at the big table, Kim had lost her appetite. She served her husband and after a while she didn't keep back any longer the question concerning the holidays.
asked Kim.
Kim heard his words and her face hardened. Was there a problem of money? Hadn't he told her, that there would be always enough money to live? And who would take care of the sheep, when José was far away? Kim!
José's voice was scornful and he looked at his wife in a strange way.
whispered Kim, then she left the room to think over the things, her husband had told her. The next weeks where filled with hard work. The foundation was dug out, concreted and the barn was built. Kim was working more than she could take, José forced her to make the most hard things and she did it without any resistance. One evening, while she was watering the flowers in the garden, the heavy watering can fell out of her hand and she began to tremble. José came out of the house, where he was taking a drink in the dining room.
shouted José, but not of compassion to his wife, but because he was afraid, that she can't work no longer.
cried Kim with tears in her eyes.
So Kim was obliged to bandage up her arm, take a lot of painkillers and work as hard as before. When the barn was ready and her arm was still in pain, José took the car and went with her to his doctor.
asked the doctor, while he was examining Kim.
laughed José contemptuously.
But the doctor shook his head.
shouted José. The doctor looked at him with a strange expression on his face.
Kim heard their words, without any reaction. But inside, she was happy, that the doctor gave her husband a piece of his mind. When they were sitting in the car on the way home, José looked at her.
Kim didn't say anything, but had sad thoughts. When they arrived at the hacienda, Kim went straight to her room and lied on her bed. With wide open eyes she looked at the ceiling, but didn't see anything. She heard a voice deep inside her and asked herself what could be the reason of the changing of her husband. When and why let the young and obliging man such a despot? Or – worse – had he always hidden this character inside and shown to her a second face until yet? When he entered the room in the evening, Kim was still lying on her bed in clothes.
But Kim wasn't in the mood to make love with her husband.
asked she with a small voice. But her reluctance excited him.
she begged again.
He shouted very loud and began to undress her with rough and painful grasps. When she was defending herself against his force, he took her right arm and turned it until she cried!
shouted José, who was beside himself. Pain and disappointment about her husband's behavior made Kim exhaustedly submitting his wild intimacies. But something was broken inside her, something let her doubt the love and respect of her husband. After this night of violence and rape by her own husband, Kim began to live a very secluded life. Her only joy was to ride Black Diamond during hours and hours or to talk a long time with Rosa. José turned back to the bullfights, more celebrated than ever before, much sought-after than ever before. His clique became much more numerous, often with elements coming from the demimonde or the underworld. But in his triumphal ecstasy, it was the same for him! The essential was, that he was been celebrated, celebrated by more and more people! It was rare, that he saw his wife and when he visited her once or twice, he took a lot of drinks before he approached her. Those nights became torment long to the young woman, who had to put up with his more and more new, strange and horrifying sexual wishes. When she pretended to sleep, while he entered the room, he brutally woke her up and when she defended herself, he used force. But Kim had only one thought: to endure! Because her husband didn't know, what she knew since she had made a test: She was carrying his child under her heart. She wanted to wait for a good moment to tell him the big news. And the moment came, when one morning he turned with his car into the court and jumped out.
Kim hurried into the court, where her husband showed her a bloody hoof and two bloody ears of a black bull.
And Kim looked horrified at the bloody trophies. But she was happy, that José was in a good mood.
José followed her curiously into the living room, where she turned her arms around him and kissed him.
But in her worse dreams, she never imagined his reaction.
Kim stopped to breath, she was more than horrified.
Her face showed clearly her disappointment.
Kim's voice was nearly audible. José was thinking about her words.
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AJÁNLOM AZ OLDALT
